dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
