dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
