You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
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Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
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Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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