Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
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some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I smell like Dick and happiness
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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