im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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