shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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