If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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