Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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