the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
