Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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