You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
