How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
