Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
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Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
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Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize