thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
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He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The ass gains better be worth it
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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