It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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