dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
