and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
