I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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