On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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