I murdered the dance floor call the cops
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Randomize
