I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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