May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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