you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
