I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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