New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
