I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
be right there i have to get my cape
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
