Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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