I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
