"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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