nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
