just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
