he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize