If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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