Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
