my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
