I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
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I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
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Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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