So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
two words...techno handjob
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
