i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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