YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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