dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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