You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize