I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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