I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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