I wish I could teleport
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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