I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
