im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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