i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
