i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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