Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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