is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
