I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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