He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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