Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
