that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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