If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
