Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think my fart just growled at me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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