I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize