im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
its liver damage thursday
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
