It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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