and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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