I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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