She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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