I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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