Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
