Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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