i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
