I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i now understand why vodka
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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