So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
