took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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