I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This is my gift to your gina
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
