I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
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and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
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Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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