im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
