That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
