i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I can't turn off my feet"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
