someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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