happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
