Girls should come with a carfax report
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize