Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
that's an acceptable place to lick
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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