I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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