we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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