imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
