These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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