I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
